Saturday, December 17, 2011

time flies

So today I am officially 30 weeks pregnant!  The last 4ish months have been amazing now that I feel better.  I still take my miracle drug (Zofran) everyday, but other than that I am feeling great.  The phrase "time flies" is so true right now.  It has gone by so fast, but secretly I want it to slow down now.  I'm not ready.  In 10 weeks we'll have our little girl here; I am prepared with material things we have a car seat, stroller, crib, clothes and such, but this is going to change our lives forever.  I have always wanted and anticipated being a mom to me it is the single greatest calling ever, but what if I mess  up.  I don't know if it is all the hormones or the fact that Andrew is now on midnight shifts which leaves me tons of time to think and over analyze, but I feel so inadequate in my new job as a mom.  I know the best way to learn is trial and error, but I don't want to make an error with my child.  I know I can always call for help or questions, but I don't want to be that annoying person who can't do anything for herself.  I am nervous.  One of my greatest joys is now one of my greatest fears.  Does the feeling ever go away?

The one thing that brings me peace is knowing how amazing Andrew is going to be.  He loves her so much already, I can only imagine what he'll be like with her in his arms and when I do it brings a smile to my face.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and best friend, he truly stands by my side in everything. 

I know the Lord will not let us fail at raising this beautiful spirit, but it is scary at times when it starts to hit.  Scary when I start to realize time is flying and it wont ever slow down again.

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